Anxiety Relief Tools: Toolkit

Day 1: The 4 B’s of Being

We all have different nervous systems. Some of us are more sensitive or snappy, some of us take things more in stride. Anxiety=worrying about a future that doesn’t yet exist. Goal=return to the present and what actually is. The mind will do its thing, but we can too, using tools to soothe/distract the human mind.

The 4 B’s” : Believe, Berate, Beware, and Be. Different options we have when confronting anxiety.

Believe — we believe our scary thoughts. Like being lost in the forest, only we’re lost in brambles of anxious thoughts. Scary thought pops up in our mind and we believe it—or our nervous system believes it and starts acting as if it’s really happening.

Berate — 2 types. First, berating self for being anxious. Is being anxious really our fault?? Did we choose to be a sensitive type, to live constantly with a rock in the pit of our stomach? Of course not. We need deep compassion when we feel anxious—NOT berating! It does not help to beat ourselves up when we’re scared!!! Second, the other kind of berating is when people hate the feeling of anxiety itself. Anxiety is indeed uncomfortable and unpleasant, but generally when we send disapproval or hate against our unpleasant feeling, it gets BIGGER. Ironically, when we send it acceptance, soothing and understanding, it usually decreases.

Beware (be aware) — now we’re moving in a more effective direction. When we become aware of anxious thoughts and sensations, we can choose tools to use. We become aware of deeper needs we may be having. We need to be aware of the particular thoughts that are contributing to anxiety and notice uneasy body sensations. Then we need to summon compassion and acceptance as soon as possible.

Be — this is when we drop down into the body from our busy mind and return to the present moment and actual, factual reality. We have to realize we have LEFT reality before we can come back TO it. We downshift from the “what ifs” that make up anxiety to the “what is” of this present moment of reality. Start by noticing 1 thing you can see right now with your eyes. Notice 1 sound you hear. Notice 1 thing you feel with your hands. Notice 1 breath, following it all the way in and all the way out.

Day 3: Strong, Soft, Silly, or Silent

Finding creative ways to respond to anxious thoughts.

It may seem odd to speak back to anxious thoughts, but the fact is, we actually talk to ourselves all day long. We all have internal monologues or dialogues or mamalogues [hearing Mom’s voice!]. People with anxiety tend to replay internal conversations that are NOT very compassionate. In this way, our anxious thoughts begin to feel REAL, like watching a scary movie and thinking it’s real. But when you’re immersed in a lovely or pleasing movie, or a song you love, or a good book, or you’re laughing with friends, you’re still having the exact life you have when your anxiety channel is blasting BUT your mind is playing a different channel. Many people think they’re anxious because of their life situations or because it’s just the way they’re wired. But in reality, many of us feel anxious because we spend so much time immersed in that anxious channel, attending to anxious thoughts. We can actually learn to tune our mind into a more pleasing station. Turn off the scary movie and tune into what’s actually happening around you. Here are some different ways to switch channels—4 different tones and responses to anxious thoughts. These can be used in different instances, different times. No right or wrong here.

STRONG, SOFT, SILLY, SILENT. Here’s an example of how they might look in a particular situation. Say you’re with a child who’s showing anxious behavior.

STRONG: You are OK. It’s your thoughts that are scaring you, but thoughts aren’t real. You can’t pull a thought out of your mind and show it to me. You can’t take it out of your pocket and fold it up. That’s because thoughts aren’t real. So, let’s look at what’s really real right now. Take a look around the room and see what’s really here. See that I am here. See your bed here. See your pillow, etc. Your tone will be strong and still loving.

SOFT: Oh, Sweetheart, can you crawl onto my lap? I see that you are so scared. I am here with you and will hold you as long as you need. I am right here with you and will stay as long as you need. If that happens, we’ll handle it together, but it’s not happening right now. Let’s look at what IS happening right now.

SILLY: Sing a funny song about fear or blow the fear out like you would a candle. You might ask the child to play along with you and talk back in a silly way to the scary thought.

SILENT: Just try to be silent and calm and hold the child. You can teach them not to pick up their own fear but instead get into a book or project and just not give the fear any power.

The most important thing is to find the method that soothes your own mind in that moment. Practice them in different internal situations. Maybe write them. Whichever method you try, make sure it’s respectful and loving and genuine.

Day 5: Heart to Heart with Anxious Parts

Today I’ll be leading you in a dialogue between 2 parts. We all have different internal parts, even as simple as when 1 part of you wants to go for a walk while another part of you wants to lie on the couch. In today’s case, you’ll be dialoguing between the part of you that is anxious and the part of you that is loving, wise and calming.

Anxiety can feel so real and powerful. Many of us are so familiar with that anxious feeling in our gut, racing thoughts in our minds—it’s even hard to imagine our life without it. But it IS possible to change your relationship with your thoughts and sensations in a way that can actually soothe and settle them, rather than stir them up or attempt to stuff them down.

It might seem odd to have a heart-to-heart with anxiety, but as we have learned, most of us are talking all day long to ourselves anyway.

The problem with many people who suffer from anxiety is that their internal dialogues are often scary and not soothing; they only add fuel to the anxious fire burning inside. We need to upgrade our internal thoughts to soothing ones.

That’s what we’ll be doing today. You may be very accustomed to having scary thoughts and as a result, thinking even MORE scary thoughts. This practice will give you a way out of that scary loop. Like listening to a recording that is stuck, playing the same garbled message over and over, this is a practice that can help you get unstuck and move the needle of your mind to a new track.

By having a kind, compassionate voice on board, you can get more familiar with THAT voice and exercise/ practice/ strengthen it until it becomes your new normal.

So instead of having an anxious voice be your steady recording, you’ll have a new soothing voice to add to your playlist. So, let’s practice an internal dialogue between your anxious self and a kind, compassionate part of you.

First, make sure you’re in a comfortable position. You may close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. I’d like you to get an image of the anxious part of you; what does that part of you look like? (There’s no right or wrong.). We’re not going to let this part take over; we’re just going to get to know it a bit.

Once you get an image, see if you can put that image in front of you, so you can communicate with it. We’ll be coming back to this image in a moment. Right now, I’d like you to tune into your heart—the wise, loving, compassionate part of you. If you can’t connect with that part right now, connect with another being that is wise, loving, etc.

From this wise, compassionate part, I’d like you to look at the image of the anxious part. See if you can look at that part with kindness. See if you can get a sense of what that anxious part feels and needs and see if you can give it in your imagination.

What does this anxious part of you want you to know? See if you can offer it some compassion and comfort right now.

Ask this anxious part what it’s afraid might happen if it lets go of this anxiety.

Ask it if it can feel the compassion and comfort right now.

Ask it if it’s ready to let go of trying so hard all the time. And see if there’s anything else your compassionate wisdom would like to do or say or offer this part. See if there’s anything else this part would like to do, say or receive.

Now we’re going to be gently shifting out of this image. Perhaps you can imagine setting aside this anxious part into a really safe place, making sure there’s nothing else it needs. Just gently return to the surroundings around you.

Take in a nice deep breath. If you’d like, give your body a little stretch. Perhaps write about the experience.

Day 7: Soothing Statements and Scenarios

Anxious thoughts are not the most soothing voices on the block and to add to that, anxious thoughts tend to cling onto other anxious thoughts. As we’ve learned, if we can recognize/ identify an anxious thought as soon as it drops into our head, we have a chance to stop or divert it. This is our window of opportunity. So today, we have several self-soothing tools. This is like learning to talk to a stressed child like a loving, calming parent. Great quote: “Be what you needed when you were younger.” This is what we’ll be practicing today: being who we needed when we were young. The legacy of unsoothing speech, the passing of the dysfunctional baton, can stop here. With awareness and willingness, we can learn to speak to our vulnerable selves in new and healing ways—with comfort, kindness and respect. So, let’s try on some of these new ways of speaking to ourselves. See if any of them work for you.

Get comfortable. Eyes may be open or shut. Tune into your body and see if there’s any anxiety or other strong emotion. If not, you can tuck these statements away for later, when you ARE experiencing emotional discomfort. Try speaking these statements directly to your anxiety or other emotion. Some people find it helpful to picture their younger self, or their anxious nervous system. You can repeat my exact words, or come up with some of your own.

Here are the statements:

• “I’m right here with you.”
• “You’re OK.”
• “It’s OK.”
• “Breathe.”
• “I love you.”
• “In this moment, you are safe.”
• “It will all unfold.”
• “This feeling will pass.”
• “All that’s scary is in the future. It’s safe right now.”
• “If that happens, we’ll deal with it then, but it’s not happening right now.”
• “Let’s notice what’s right here, right now.”

Now let’s shift into some self-soothing scenarios. When your nervous system is all ramped up, it can be helpful to picture it in a comforting scenario. It’s like taking a chilled nervous system and putting it into a nice warm bath.

Here are several scenarios; see if any of them are soothing to you.

• You can imagine setting the anxious part of you in a warm bath or hot tub.
• You can imagine a safe space, like a majestic forest.
• You can imagine resting in a hammock at the beach or in a beautiful meadow or park.
• You can imagine yourself in a cozy cottage in a beautiful place in nature.
• You can imagine yourself deeply resting in a soft, comfortable bed.
• You can imagine yourself surrounded by safe people, or spiritual beings, or your favorite animals.
• You can imagine yourself surrounded by total silence or soothing sounds.
• You can imagine being surrounded by and filled with a soothing color or warm breeze.
• You can imagine the surface underneath you gently holding or rocking you.
• You can imagine placing all your troubling thoughts into helium balloons and releasing them into the sky or placing them on leaves floating down the moving water of a creek.
• You can imagine yourself going about your day peacefully, free of anxiety.

Day 9: Pressure Points and Bilateral Butterflies

It’s good to practice these, so that when we need them, they come automatically.

1. The third eye point. Considered to be a very powerful point for anxiety relief. Right between the eyebrows where the bridge of the nose meets the forehead. Eyes may be open or closed and you can the middle and index fingers of either hand. Gently press the point directly between your eyebrows. Take a few long, deep breaths. It’s that simple . You can also press your palms together and use the index fingers to press. You can hold that point for about a minute, while taking slow deep breaths.
2. Ears. This can have an immediate calming effect. Remove earrings. Using thumb and index finger on either or both hands, gently rub your ears from top to bottom. You can also gently pull your earlobes and you can trace the skin behind your ears. You can also use your index fingers to trace the folds of your inner ears and use your thumb to trace the back of your ears. Take a few deep breaths as you do this and notice how you feel.
3. This point is called the “Sea of Tranquility”. This is a very common acupressure point to treat anxiety. It can be found right in the middle of your breastbone. You can press the point using both thumbs or you can use all the fingers on either hand, or you can put your palms together and press the sides of your thumbs right into the middle of the breastbone. Take nice deep breaths while you do this. You can also gently TAP this point with your fingers. Whether you hold or tap, continue for a minute or so, while breathing deeply.
4. The Triple Warmer Meridian – from the tip of your ring finger, all the way up your arm , to the back of your ear. Start on the bones between your ring finger and your pinkie finger. Either press, rub or tap, breathing deeply and slowly, and notice how it feels. You can even touch this point when you’re with other people and they won’t even notice. Hence, it’s a great point for people with social anxiety.
5. One last practice: Bilateral Butterflies—a form of bilateral stimulation, when we use touch, rhythm or sound in a rhythmic pattern from left to right to stimulate and balance both sides of the brain. Simply cross your arms in front of your chest (looking butterfly-like) and tap each shoulder one at a time. Find a rhythm that feels comfortable to you, tapping one side then another. If crossing your chest is uncomfortable, you can also do this tapping on your thighs. Breathe, of course–deeply, slowly. If you wish, you can imagine yourself in a calm and peaceful place while you’re tapping. Relax arms, take a deep breath—check in and see how you feel.

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